Relationship counsellor Dr. Gitanjali Sharma adds, “Men need to understand that when it comes to sexual performance, they can’t outperform themselves. The urge for performing better each time has to come from within by raising your consciousness to higher levels. And when self satisfaction comes, there is no question of under performing. You have sex for enjoyment and not to perform, under perform or out perform. It’s a joy, sheer joy, so shed all your inhibitions and concentrate on the act.”
As most male fears revolve around satisfying the female partner, Gitanjali suggests, “Till the time your women is emotionally satisfied, you can easily satisfy her sexual needs. The more emotionally connected you are, the more enjoyable physical intimacy will be. Try and indulge in physical intimacy only when your woman is ready, as it helps creating a comfort zone where she will participate equally. And while having sex, stay calm, relaxed, indulge in foreplay and nothing will stop you from performing the desired way.”
Here are some common fears that make men nervous every time they gear up for a steamy romp…
Fear fright # 1: Leaving her unsatisfied
The foremost fear of leaving the female partner unsatisfied has a direct correlation with a male’s organ size. While a woman thinks bigger the better, the man keeps worrying about what if he’s unable to give the desired pleasure. This fear of not giving their best somewhere triggers a feeling of being an imperfect sex partner, which may even hit a man’s ego directly.
Get Over It : Dr. Gitanjali Sharma explains, “The fear of not satisfying a women leads to many questions in a man’s mind. He starts thinking that will she look for that sexual satisfaction elsewhere and that thought of her being with someone else (because of his under performance) will make him more complex. This is like a vicious cycle, as the more he thinks on this subject, he gets driven by performance anxiety, thus leaving her unsatisfied most of the times. Performance in bed mainly depends on a woman’s state of mind at that time. You need to be comfortable with your woman’s body to feel a strong connection. Go slow and steady and understand your woman by awakening her sensitive parts rather than worrying about your size.”
Fear fright # 2: Premature ejaculation
A gratifying sex quickie is all about giving and receiving pleasure. While men make every efforts to please their female partners, they would, most of the times, remain anxious about their own climax and this fear is driven by the ejaculation period. It’s a very common apprehension that men come across where they suffer premature ejaculation due to which they end up spoiling sex.
Get Over It : Dr. Arora elucidates, “Medically, if a man is able to hold his ejaculation for at least one minute, he is not a patient of premature ejaculation. But unfortunately very few people know this fact and they are being misguided with fake ads and while watching porn movies, which makes them think that they are unable to have sex for a longer period. This creates a feeling of insecurity about their female partner and the sexual stress mounts, which gets converted into performance anxiety. In most of the cases, the problem practically doesn’t exist, but the fear is creating it.”
Fear fright # 3: Not getting her pregnant
Though it’s not necessary that every sex session should be aimed at getting the woman pregnant, but still men do carry impotency fears in their minds. The continuous worry of not getting a woman pregnant puts men in a serious stigma, which adversely affects their sexual performance.
Get Over It : Dr. Arora says, “Having a child is related with both male and female health and destiny too. There are numerous cases where medically everything is normal, but the female is unable to conceive. You should try to have a healthy life style, a proper diet and a positive attitude about yourself. If there is any problem with your semen, it can be treated, so no point worrying about it. The first need is a good sex life, not having a child.”
Fear fright # 4: Lacking porn value
It’s a normal practice that men watch porn to learn certain sexual acts and then repeat them with their partner. In an attempt to try something new and opt for wild acts, men repeatedly indulge in bringing out the porn elements in their sex life. And many a times, if the female partner is not responding positively, men start feeling that they are lacking somewhere.
Get Over It : Dr. Gitanjali says, “Men often compare their sexual performance with porn scenes or with that of their female partner and the fear that they might be less experienced makes them panic. Men should understand that performing in bed has nothing to do with any experience. It’s the mental connection with the female partner which can exist even without taking any inspiration from the porn acts.”
Fear fright # 5: Masturbation done in the past
Several studies have claimed that masturbation done during one’s childhood or adolescent years doesn’t impact a person’s sex life in his later years. Yet there exists numerous fears attached to the same. Men often blame their masturbation habits for their weak bedroom performance and with this illogical apprehension; they fail to focus on their present sexual acts.
Get Over It : Dr. Arora advices, “Masturbation doesn’t harm much, but the guilt of masturbating is more harmful, and this is just due to lack of sex education. Every healthy male masturbates many times in his life in various stages of age, there is nothing to worry about.”
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